Very Fucking Merry Professor XXXmas - DECEMBER 25th

The release of the new version of ‘Silent Night, Deadly Night’ has reminded us of the marvellous outrage caused by the publicity for the original, with its ‘shocking’ image of an axe-wielding ‘Santa’. Of course, we all know that the psycho at the heart of the film is all-too human, neatly sidestepping the absolute corruption of family values that people feared.

Which brings us to the piece that marks the full return of The Professor. What a discovery! The Prof has unearthed a rather marvellous tale probably written some time in the middle of the 20th century as a gleefully nasty, cruelly ironic response to the classic ‘Night Before Christmas’. Here is possibly the first appearance of an axe-wielding Santa. And no, not a psycho in a costume. The real St Nicholas. Still the ‘jolly old elf’ of the original poem but with a very different and truly savage spirit behind those twinkling eyes.

So gather your Godless family together and sit back to enjoy a new Christmas ‘classic’, a heartwarming tale of animal cruelty, murder and mutilation and one little child’s terrible discovery of the true bleakness of the world. As an extra special gift, The Professor has paired his performance of this tale with his own reading of the much-loved original - with no irony and genuine warmth!

Merry Fucking Christmas