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Chunder Chamber Chow Down by Armitage Shanks
It's the final of the Chow Down eating contest at the 13th Annual Puddinhedz Git Together, a three-day festival of the world's shittiest music, carnival rides, and deep-fried everything... but with two contenders still going strong the food has run out! Rather than declare a tie, a sudden-death final battle is called where the two finalists will have to devour the contents of the festival's porta-potties... but what if the sentient slobby poo-poo lurking in the chemical septic tanks don't want to be eaten?
Armitage Shanks has been called "the next Stephen R. King" and has been proud to regularly nominate himself for any number of prestigious awards in the exxxtreme horror sub-genre. As with most author bios, he will tell you that he is "owned" by several cats, as if that trite piece of fucking cliched whimsy will somehow endear him to you.