Beast of Burden by Sean Hawker
From the "Archbishop of offense" HAWKMAN comes a 5,000-word retelling of the Nativity Story from the perspective of the loveable and irreverent donkey. This is a sacrilegious short story with a big heart and blackened soul. It may be blasphemous but all sales will go to charity.
Godless Earworm. Ebook + Audiobook bundle. Read by Peter Caffrey!
United KingdomChristmas Is Cancelled
This was not what I expected but who doesn’t love a horny donkey causing a Christmas massacre. Poor poor Mary. As disgusting as I wanted. Well done Mr Hawker again.
United KingdomJackass Anno Domini
Whilst I did enjoy this story I have to object to the historical inaccuracies it contained. Now, I distinctly remember being in the Nativity play in primary school, as a matter of fact I played one of the cowboys, and I do NOT recall there being either a self-aware donkey with a foul-mouth OR a violent bloodbath. In fact, let me just grab a Bible and I'll quote a bit from the relevant passages detailing the birth of Jesus... ... Okay. Well, I just had a quick flick through, and it turns out that there weren't even any cowboys present either, so I guess that means the whole thing is up for grabs and my childhood was a lie. Touché, Hawkman.
United KingdomNot The Little Donkey We All Grew Up Knowing
Oh we’re all going to Hell for this one. This has to be my favourite Hawkman story. I laughed so hard. Poor donkey just wanted to be treated with a little humanity. I'm glad he fucked their shit up. Team Donkey.
United StatesA sick, hilarious reimagining of the nativity scene!
This is a really fun, action-packed, quick read covered in chewed off faces, donkey jizz, and blood. Always enjoy Hawker’s stuff and this one is no different! Caffrey’s brilliant audio rendition brings the debauchery to a whole new level, in an already epic and grossly satisfying tale. 5 stars!
AustraliaHawker sells his soul
I begged Hawker not to do this on the pretext some things should be sacred. He told me to feck off and that I wasn’t his Mom. So here you have it, the nativity scene, if Sean Hawker had possessed Mary’s donkey and downed copious amounts of Viagra and cocaine and gone on a naughty rampage.