Yes, I Am a Vampire by Stephen Kozeniewski

The collected short fiction and autobiography of Stephen Kozeniewski, 2013-2016

Despite all the evidence to the contrary, I swear I am not a vampire. Cross my heart and...eh, nevermind. 

Just trust me, there are no vampires within these pages, plenty of zombies, though. One of the short stories in this book features a zombie caveman, for instance. And another is called EXPLODING SHIT ZOMBIES. You can probably guess what that one's about.

Not every story is zombie-themed, of course. I've also got a monster under the bed piece that's pretty fucking scary. And in another, a bunch of little alien goblins take over a farmstead.

This isn't just a short story collection, either. Half of it's my autobiography. I guarantee you've never seen those two styles mashed together before.

I also guarantee you've never seen any fucking vampires before. Not here, not anywhere. So let's just drop it.

What do you mean, bloodstains all over the book? Don't worry about those. Just wipe the gore off your fingers and dive in to...