Separating You: A Self-Help Book for the Lost, Lonely, and Psychotically Obsessed by John Shupeck, Jr.
"Do you hurt? Do you hate? Do you want?
If you have ever felt like your entire existence is meaningless, full of random potholes, endless lectures, and constant heartache, then this book is for you!
Won't you join me? Won't you challenge your inner essence to dig up some grain of joy in this hell we call day to day "life"? Follow me...buy this book, and follow me.
— Dr. Jason Carson"
Dr. Jason Carter, Thank you for all of your hard work. You are a true Hero, and your book, Separating You, is truly inspiring. You gave me the strength to pull myself out of my shell and do things I would never have had the strength to do. As you probably noticed from the return address on the envelope, I'm doin' hard time at the Edmonton Institution, and if I do make it out alive, I will be an old old man, and there won't be life enough in these bones to make life worth livin'. It was all worth it, though (perhaps you've read of my escapades in the papers or online), and even here, I've already found plenty of ways to FEEL, and to LIVE, which is more than most people can say. And, like Bundy, I am always on the lookout for OPPORTUNITIES. Unfortunately, I was only on chapter 13 of your book when I was apprehended, but I was able to smuggle the remaining pages in my rectum. So, I am glad to have some good reading material, and a secret. It is good to have a secret, something that is all my own. It gives me power. The contents of this letter are secret too, and a guard is mailing it for me in exchange for sexual favors - I hope you appreciate the effort it has taken, and that you see me for the Hero that I am. Anyway, I hope that this letter finds you in good health, and if you feel like writing back, I would be honored to recieve correspondence from you. Your friend, Gerhard Jason Geick P.S. I wrote this letter with my feet. Are you impressed? P.S.S. Who is John Shupeck Jr.?