Legs Eleven (Fucked Up Bedtime Stories #5) by Peter Caffrey
AN EARWORM EDITION: E-BOOK INCLUDES A FREE UNABRIDGED AUDIO NARRATION FILE
The school disco is approaching, but Arnold doesn’t want to go because he has no friends. However, when he meets Emily during a school charity event, he sees an opportunity to not only attend the dance, but to also have a real girlfriend. After a misunderstanding, things take a darker turn, to such an extent even Jimmy the Chimp might be unable to save him.
BEDTIME STORIES: NOT FOR CHILDREN
Ten year old Arnold has a cuddly friend, Jimmy the Chimp. His toy ape is his companion, his fellow adventurer and his advisor. No one else can hear Jimmy when he talks, and there’s nothing about modern life the chimp doesn’t know. Escaping from the world of Mummy and Daddy, the pair set out to have a series of adventures, aided by the fact Jimmy the Chimp is a Satanic necromancer.
Let their enchanting escapades relax and amuse you as you slip into a slumber filled with the sweetest of sweet dreams.
Good night, sleep tight!
Disastrous Disco for Arnold and Jimmy
Arnold takes Jimmy the Chimp’s advice a bit too literally and things go awry when he gets into some monkey business. What’s more to say, Peter Caffrey writes some of the best, dark-humored splattery yarns that somehow make me nostalgic of my childhood (not weird). It’s like Calvin and Hobbes meets Natural Born Killers, and it’s brilliant. Leg Eleven is no different. Read more Caffrey!!
Arnold Makes for One Hell of a Date
Arnold desperately wants to attend the school dance, but he doesn't have a date. While Jimmy the Chimp thinks it's ridiculous that Arnold even wants to waste his time on something so stupid, he decides it's better to help Arnold than to listen to him whimpering and being depressed. Attempts to meet a woman in a shopping center or to obtain a prostitute with the winnings from Pork Chop's dogfighting don't go smoothly, but Arnold finds a date on his own in Emily, a crippled girl he meets while performing charity at school. It wouldn't be a Peter Caffrey story if everything came up roses from there, and the story devolves into murder, accusations of molestation, and Jimmy the Chimp leading Arnold on a mission that's sure to destroy more lives in the process. As always, Caffrey provides his fans with audio narration of this story in addition to the usual digital files for reading, and his enjoyment is clear if you take the time to give the audio edition a listen.
I haven't laughed so hard since my sister broke her leg
Dribbling cripples with lisps, used franger hunting, corpse fingering and dance floor shitting. Peter’s brand of irreverent humor has me howling every time.
The death of disco…
Caffrey’s latest instalment of FUBS is filled with more muck than a Cambodian kid’s bunghole after a night with Gary Glitter. It may also provide the perfect method for getting away with murder. Next time I’m traipsing through the bushes at Hampstead Heath I shall not let all the discarded johnnies go to waste.
Yep, another great one. The monkey is evil, so it can get away with saying horrible and vile things. Love it.